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Ramesh Koneru
Santa and Banta on a sinking ship
Excuses when caught napping
Some quick thinking to get out of the "caught napping jam!"...
- They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.
- I wasn't sleeping! I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.- This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!- I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?- Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem!- I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without using my hands.- The mail courier flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot!
A police officer pulls over a guy for speeding
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation: Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car. Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box. Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body. Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the officer told you I was speeding, too!
Three lawyers and three engineers
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are
To show off, the Engineer called to his dog.
"T-Square, do your stuff."
T- square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better.
He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff."
Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better.
He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Then the three men turned to the Government Worker and said, "What can your dog do?"
The Government Worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff."
Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker's Compensation and went home on sick leave.
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